Red Mercury Labs

Dora: We need to find the way to release this product! Say Map!

Audience: Map!

(Map appears with a nice waterfall on it)

Dora: Look Boots, first we need to complete construction of the software. Then, we commence debugging. Then we release! Construction, Debugging, Release! Construction, Debugging, Release!

Boots: Let’s Go!

Dora: Vamanos!

Dora: To reach Construction, it looks like we have to first get through the Fuzzy Front End and tackle Design and Architecture. Ready Boots?

Boots: No problem!

Dora: Look Boots, it’s Tico! Tico, what are you doing?

Tico: Hola, Dora and Boots, I’m investigating a new technology, would you like to help?

Dora: That sounds great! And it might help me with my project!

(three months later…)

Dora: Well, Boots, I think it’s about time we start on the Design and Architecture so we can get to Construction.

Boots: We have a pretty good idea of where we’re going though.

Dora: That’s true! Look, I see a shortcut, Construction is just ahead. Vamanos!

Boots: Whee!

(one day later…)

Dora: Boots, we’ve made it to Construction. But before we can get to Debugging, it looks like we have to implement some requirements.

Boots: Where do we find those?

Dora: Let’s ask backpack. Say Backpack!

(Some items appear, including a competitor’s product, an unrelated product, and a blank notebook with a pen)

Dora: Do you see something that would help us? Good, you chose the competitor’s product.

Boots: Let’s check it out!

Dora: Here we go. Ah yes, this product does everything ours will, and more. I’ve used this plenty of times!

Boots: I know it pretty well too!

Señor Tucan: Hi Dora!

Dora and Boots: Hi Señor Tucan!

Señor Tucan: Dora, shouldn’t you document all of the functionality of your competitor’s product, so that at least you’ll know what you need to implement, and where you might be able to innovate?

Dora: Señor Tucan, don’t worry! I know this product area! We have good ideas!

Señor Tucan: Sounds great, Dora, keep up the good work!

Dora: Ok, let’s keep going team!

Boots: It’s taking much longer than I thought to get through Construction. How will we know when we’re through?

Dora: Don’t worry boots, we’ve set a time limit!

(Six months later…)

Boots: Dora, the time limit has passed, are we through construction yet?

Dora: Well, the product has made a lot of progress, but it is certainly far from usable. We’ve still got a ways to go! Don’t worry Boots, I’ve been down this road before. I told you the time limit was six months, but I told our manager that the time limit was twelve months! Isn’t that great? You’ve got another six months!

Boots: Dora, I’ve been in Construction 24 hours a day for the past six months. You only let me sleep a few hours a day. All I eat is pizza. The only people I’ve seen are you and Señor Tucan. I don’t know if I can do this for another six months! Maybe if we backtracked to where we started, we could find a better way.

Dora: Keep at it, Boots! Look behind you, do you see a way to get back there? It took us six months to get where we are Boots, you want to head back now? Vamanos!

(Six months later…)

Dora: Don’t worry! We’ve been granted an extension to our schedule! We’ve got another six months!

(Two months later, Dora returns from a trip to a nice island…)

Dora (panicked): Boots. We’ve got to get through Construction. We’ve still got Debugging ahead, and I don’t know how long that will take, maybe a week or even more! Boots, we don’t have that much time. The end of the quarter is in twenty days, Boots!

Boots: (doesn’t turn to look at Dora)

Dora: Boots. I know it’s been a long journey. We have all put a lot of ourselves into this project. We can’t give up now! Boots. I’ll buy you one of those new Blu-Ray players and all the movies that are out for it. Boots, we need you.

Boots: And an HD-DVD player?

Dora: Yes.

Boots: And all of the movies out on HD-DVD?

Dora: Anything. We’ve got 20 days Boots!

Boots: Ok. Go to my Amazon wish list, it’s all on there already.

Dora: I’m going right now. Come on Boots, you’re a rock star! You can do this! Get us through Construction! And Debugging! By the end of the quarter! In 20 days!

Boots: Oh crap.

Dora: Boots?

Boots: Look.

Dora: It’s Swiper! Say: Swiper, no swiping!

(Swiper takes a sheet of paper from Boots, on which was scribbled a list of the remaining features to be implemented)

Dora: Boots has hidden the requirements document!

Boots: It was really more of a to-do list scribbled on a sheet of paper.

Dora: Boots, we need to find it! Do you see it? Keep looking… do you see it?

(The sheet of paper turns up in a Manager’s office)

Dora: We found it!

Swiper: Oh, man!

Boots: Thanks Dora! Only one problem.

Dora: What?

Boots: Everything on my to-do list is different! And it’s twice as long! And a lot of it contradicts the stuff I’ve already done!

Dora: Boots, come on, this is where you shine! We can’t miss the end of the quarter, Boots! You can do it!

Boots: (contemplative silence…)

(19 days later…)

Dora: Boots, the end of the quarter is tomorrow! Are we ready to ship?

Boots: YES WE ARE!!!!!!

(Boots then hands a burned CD to Dora, turns off his cell phone, and gets on a plane for a nice long vacation)

THE END!